So lately I've had kind of a hard time with things. . .
I've been feeling like I am completely alone in the world. I used to have all these close friends who I could go to with anything i needed ever. they were always there for me. But right now, I feel like they have all turned around suddenly and walked away, leaving me stranded. It has left me with no where to go. Everyone has moved on and found new people they like better and don't really care to have me there. I just feel so alone.
Not only do I feel alone, but I am alone. My mom and Bradford left to Hawaii on Saturday morning. This leaves me alone in my house for 2 whole weeks. Yeah, I have Michael coming over every week-night, but he doesn't get here till midnight. Since I can't sleep at night without someone else in the house, I have gotten hardly any sleep for a couple weeks. I have no one here to talk to me during the day and keep me company. A couple friends invited me over but I feel like a burden when I go over. . . But when I am just at home, I am paranoid that someone is going to come in and kill me and no one is going to even notice. That weeks will go by and the thought of me wont cross
anyone's mind. I really would like to see who would care and shed tears and who will be like "Brooke who?"
And to top it all off, Clark just went into the
MTC last Wednesday. I've been trying to stay strong about it, but every time I even think about him I start crying. He has been the hardest to send on a mission. Probably because he and i were so close. I mean its not like we were
inseperable, but I've told him things that i haven't told anyone else and it has just been so hard for me to let him go for two whole years. I love him so much that I'm not sure if I'm ever really going to be able to talk about him without crying. Yeah I'm happy that he has this opportunity to go to Japan, but the fact that I won't be able to see him for another 2 years. . . It just breaks my heart.
I'm not saying all of this to make you feel sorry for me, but it's because in the past week, I think I've spend more time crying than not. And this isn't really an explanation to you, it's more to explain it to myself. To explain why I've been feeling so down and haven't been able to pick myself up again. Why my mood has changed from cheery and smiling all the time, to emotional and not being able to smile easily.
The worst part of this is that I don't have anyone to go to with this. . . I've tried, but I start crying so I can't finish. I just really want things to go back to normal.