Sutfov [=

I am so happy right now!!! [=
Finally, my best friend is back in my life! And things feel natural between us again. Who cares if he still lives in Payson? WE ARE FRIENDS AGAIN!!! [=
You have no idea how great I feel right now! All we have to do is try not to like each other for 5 months so we don't pretend to hate each other again. That can't be too hard can it? I mean, since we won't see each other every day, it can't be too hard!
Anyways, I'm just happy to have the boy who made 9th grade liveable for me back in my life [=

P. S. Sutfov is the name he would have if he were an alien. . . It's a long story [=

Please Mom?

My mom is a splendid person.
I love her with all my heart.

She is silly, and goofy just like me.
(I'm pretty sure she's where I got it from)

She helps me with anything and everything.
And she even teases me about them too.

She is the strongest person I know
She can handle anything life puts her through

I really love being around her.
She is my favorite person in the whole world.

Yeah we do get in little fights,
But that's alright, I'd be worried if we didn't!

Mom, I am saying all this for a reason.
Just to prove that I do love you.

But I do have one very small request. . .
Will you please go on one more vacation?
I had a blast while you were gone!

Love,
Your favorite little Booke Souse [=

Just a Lil Bit

Since my last post, I've been getting a lil bit better. My friends I go to school with have been coming back. Slowly but surely. Even my best friend from 9th grade (Jax) is back! I love him with all my heart. But things are still a lil awkward in my opinion. I asked Mason to Sadie's and he answered the very next day! He gave me a Betta fish and his name is Carl (but don't worry, he doesn't eat hands). And Carl makes very great company!

My mom being gone isn't nearly as bad. My friends who have come back to me have been supporting me. I stayed at my "sister's" house for the past 4 nights and it helped a lot! I kinda don't really want my mom to come back. . . Because she will make be do stuff I don't want to. . . but i guess it'll be good for me [=

I am still trying to cope with Clark being gone. I still tear up when i mention him. Just about everything around me reminds me of him. I miss the small things we would do. Like after he had a fun night, he would come into my room and tell me about it. I miss him and i singing Tim and Eric songs together (They're so stupid but i miss it). I miss him making tea all the time. I miss hearing his music while he gets ready. I miss everything about that boy. But it wouldn't be good if I didn't miss him.

So basically I'm slightly better. Not completely, but a lil bit.

"I've got to admit it's getting better. It's a little better all the time."
- Paul McCartney

Problems. . .

So lately I've had kind of a hard time with things. . .

I've been feeling like I am completely alone in the world. I used to have all these close friends who I could go to with anything i needed ever. they were always there for me. But right now, I feel like they have all turned around suddenly and walked away, leaving me stranded. It has left me with no where to go. Everyone has moved on and found new people they like better and don't really care to have me there. I just feel so alone.

Not only do I feel alone, but I am alone. My mom and Bradford left to Hawaii on Saturday morning. This leaves me alone in my house for 2 whole weeks. Yeah, I have Michael coming over every week-night, but he doesn't get here till midnight. Since I can't sleep at night without someone else in the house, I have gotten hardly any sleep for a couple weeks. I have no one here to talk to me during the day and keep me company. A couple friends invited me over but I feel like a burden when I go over. . . But when I am just at home, I am paranoid that someone is going to come in and kill me and no one is going to even notice. That weeks will go by and the thought of me wont cross anyone's mind. I really would like to see who would care and shed tears and who will be like "Brooke who?"

And to top it all off, Clark just went into the MTC last Wednesday. I've been trying to stay strong about it, but every time I even think about him I start crying. He has been the hardest to send on a mission. Probably because he and i were so close. I mean its not like we were inseperable, but I've told him things that i haven't told anyone else and it has just been so hard for me to let him go for two whole years. I love him so much that I'm not sure if I'm ever really going to be able to talk about him without crying. Yeah I'm happy that he has this opportunity to go to Japan, but the fact that I won't be able to see him for another 2 years. . . It just breaks my heart.

I'm not saying all of this to make you feel sorry for me, but it's because in the past week, I think I've spend more time crying than not. And this isn't really an explanation to you, it's more to explain it to myself. To explain why I've been feeling so down and haven't been able to pick myself up again. Why my mood has changed from cheery and smiling all the time, to emotional and not being able to smile easily.

The worst part of this is that I don't have anyone to go to with this. . . I've tried, but I start crying so I can't finish. I just really want things to go back to normal.